Out of curiosity, I counted the beauty products I (the average woman) use before walking out the door in the morning. I counted a total of 18-21, depending on the day, in evaluating my morning beauty rituals. Of course, there are women who use more and women who use less. I envy the ones who use less.
My day usually starts with delicious coffee. I absolutely do not turn on lights or brush my teeth before coffee – I am one of those people. Of course, there is the rare occasion I have an overnight guest I may want to impress. In those select cases, I hurry to the bathroom to brush my teeth the moment I hear movement … then quietly climb back into bed with fresh, minty breath. Other than that, oral hygiene is done after coffee.
The main potions I use in the shower are shampoo, conditioner, soap, and sometimes baby oil and razors. I shampoo every other day. Today is conditioner-only day – my favorite! I use soap only to wash the dirty parts as I don’t want to parch my alligator skin any more than it already is. Rarely, I use shaving cream to shave for the overnight guest and in the summertime when more body parts are revealed. Sometimes, I apply baby oil, my favorite skin softening secret, when skin will be showing or – anticipation – touched.
I towel off and slather cream on my face and hands. Usually, I wear pants to hide my alligator/gorilla legs to save time and skin cream. One thing I always do is clean my ears with Q-tips. This is not a step ANYONE should skip – for cleanliness and because the feeling compares to … well, nothing else! Just don’t stick them right in there! Then I apply baby powder and deodorant in necessary places to ensure my co-workers will talk to me.
Usually, I don’t wear a lot of makeup; a light foundation to hide some imperfections, and the mandatory eyebrow pencil – trust me I need it! I’ve gone from having a unibrow as a teen to sparse grey strands that resemble the wisps above my dog’s eyes! I apply a tiny bit of eyeshadow, mascara and lip gloss and my face is done!
I am blessed (or cursed) with rather fine hair which is now thinning, much like my eyebrows, and moving to my chin! A friend recommended a cream that helps it look healthier and fends off the 80’s frizzy sky-high hair look – my hair, not my chin! I keep up with the latest hairstyles without looking like a cougar on the hunt by styling my hair neatly with a blow dryer and straightener. Hairspray is a necessity, otherwise all my hard work just flops.
Unfortunately, women can develop special problems at this age. This week I developed flaky dry skin in the vicinity of the aforementioned chin hairs, another problem I wish to keep hush. The Pharmacist suggested I use some ointments which, thankfully, are working quite well.
Ready to face the world after my morning beauty rituals, I do one last check in the mirror and see what resembles Christie Brinkley. Success! The feeling is swiftly crushed when I stop at a gas pump on the way to work. Nobody so much as glances in my direction after all my grueling efforts!